A Moment Of Lovely

Hello Loves,

It is Lovely, herself,

and today I would like to talk about a very sincere topic.

Make yourself happy and do it with no regrets. Happiness is a gift from life that you should protect daily. Doing this will help you see more of the pleasant things in life even in the face of the toughest of challenges.

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, and everyone will have a share of joys, sadness, disappointment, and other kinds of feelings associated with living. Moreover, each encounter can help you discover how to make yourself happy.

The secret to navigating through life’s challenges is by remaining happy intentionally and always wearing a smile because sadness does not help solve any problems. It only makes a person so miserable that they won’t be able to think up solutions to the issues being faced.

It is important to know ways to make yourself happy irrespective of the situation you are currently facing. James Oppenheim once wrote, “The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet.”

That said, it is no surprise that most of the things you can do to make yourself happy revolve around finding happiness in yourself and not from other people.

When you make your happiness dependent on someone else, you are very likely to get disappointed a lot. Likewise, when you attach your happiness to material things, you will never find happiness until you get that particular material thing you seek.

Here are 11 things you can do to make yourself happy.

1. Only Say Nice Things to Yourself

Do you know that little voice in your head you have conversations with? You control it even though it feels like a different entity sometimes. You are happy when people say nice things, and it’s the same when you say nice things to yourself.

If you tell yourself that you are miserable, your brain will believe that and that will make you sad. In contrast, when you say nice things to yourself, your mind reads that as a compliment and that will raise your mood and make you happy.

So, to make yourself happy, it is very important to always say nice things to yourself even when you do something silly.

2. Understand That Life Is a Process

People sometimes put a lot of pressure on themselves by setting their goals alongside a certain age. You hear people say things like, “I should be earning six figures at the age of 27,” or “I should be married at 25” and similar things. If these things fail, they begin to hate themselves or feel ashamed of themselves.

This feeling is one of the significant causes of depression. People get depressed because they are unable to achieve unrealistic goals.

It is essential to accept the way you are at every point and keep working towards your goals. No time is too late to achieve anything you want to make yourself happy.

3. Do Not Compare Yourself to Others

This is a very vital tip on how to make yourself happy. Most people make the mistake of comparing where they are at a particular time with their schoolmates. And when they see them live what they perceive as a better life than them, they begin to hate themselves for that single reason.

It is vital for people to always remember that every person runs a different race, and one person’s life shouldn’t be used as a yardstick to judge your progress in life.

Social Media, on its own, has increased the pressure people feel when they see their mates posting their success. You should learn to find happiness in the little things life has offered you, yourself, your family, and many other simple things.

4. Always Forgive Yourself

Some people beat themselves up for so long when they make a mistake or do something wrong. When you beat yourself up for too long for a mistake, you begin to hate yourself for the mistake you made, and you can never make yourself happy when you hate yourself.

The right thing to do when you make a mistake is to sit down and have a complete analysis of the whole issue. If you are wrong, admit your fault and ask yourself questions like, “how can I be better next time?” Then, forgive yourself with a promise that when faced with a similar situation, you will make the right choice. This is important to know if you are determined to know how to make yourself happy.

5. Avoid People Who Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

In life, certain people want to make you feel bad about yourself every single time. Sometimes, these are people we hold in high regard and have a lot of respect for. They can be family members, partners, friends, colleagues at the workplace, etc. These people see no good in people and are toxic to people around them.

Such people will only make you unhappy whenever you have close contact with them. Therefore, it is important to stay away from them if you want to be happy. If a person does not make you happy, then it will do you a lot of good if you stay away from them and find more positive people.

6. Prioritize Your Health

The numerous benefits of eating healthy by consuming less sugar and junk, eating more vegetables, exercising regularly, and taking supplements cannot be overemphasized. Apart from making you healthy, they make you look better, and looking better translates to you loving yourself more.

Working on maintaining overall health is a form of self-love as that is going to benefit you both physically and mentally. However, when you slip up, you shouldn’t go hard on yourself. A good number of people get very angry at themselves when they eat what they are not supposed to eat or drink what they are not supposed to. It is okay to have that less healthy food your body craves as long as you don’t make it a habit.

7. Spend Money on Yourself

This is one very important part of how to make yourself happy that a lot of people skip. Some people don’t believe that there is a need to spoil themselves sometimes. They would instead get the best stuff for their partners, family members, and even friends, but when it comes to spending on themselves, it becomes a very difficult thing to do.

They would buy the cheapest clothes, shoes, and accessories for themselves even though they would instead want a much more expensive one.

If you can afford the best clothing, then buy them for yourself and make yourself happy. You should make it a part of you to always put yourself first. Try to spend money to get what you want regardless of the price today and see how happy it makes you feel.

8. Make the Places You Spend Most of Your Time in as Comfortable as Possible

As a human being, where you spend most of your time should be made to be very neat and furnished to your taste. This may sound unnecessary, but studies have shown that you sleep better in an elegant, beautiful room and comfortable bed than you will in an untidy room. Likewise, people tend to be more productive working in an orderly and neat office.

Aside from these benefits, being in a place that is as comfortable as you want it to be will give you happiness that will affect your total well-being. So, buy that comfortable bed that has been on your mind or that furniture or appliance you have always wanted to buy if want to be happy every day.

9. Take Out Time to Have Fun

In an ever-busy world, it is very possible to forget about fun and just be all about work. Irrespective of how much you earn from your work or how much you enjoy your job, the human brain is programmed to get weary when the same activity is performed day after day without taking time to wind off and breathe.

Having fun now and then is very beneficial as it gives the brain the much-needed rest it deserves after a while of working, and it also improves your mood and makes you happier. So, take time away from work and go for vacations, the beach, or any other place of interest that will keep your mind away from work for the time being.

10. Always Have Three Square Meals Daily

Some people get so occupied with their work that they forget to eat sometimes, thereby making them skip a meal or, in the worst-case scenario, two meals. This is a habit numerous people are guilty of today. This is a very unloving habit to do to yourself.

Don’t ever be so busy that you won’t have time to eat. However, the possibility of actually being so busy cannot be ignored, but a meal should not be skipped even if you end up eating something very light. It is better than nothing.

When you stop skipping meals, you will be surprised to see the effect that can have on your overall mood. That said, it is essential to eat every meal as it is essential in knowing how to be happy always.

11. Helping People Who Are in Need

Helping people who are in dire need also has a way of making you happy. It is essential to show love and care to the vulnerable members of society. This act of kindness has a way of making you feel fulfilled and happier after doing them.

Take a portion of your salary and give to the homeless, the sick, and other people who need help around you and watch how the joy you caused them through your gesture finds a way of coming back to you.

Final Thoughts

Learning a new thing is just a tiny part of the work. Applying what has been learned is where the real challenge lies, and that is where a lot of people falter.

Happiness is something every human should not be deprived of. A life without happiness is a tough one to live. These eleven tips have shown a couple of practices that can be applied to your everyday life to make yourself happy and help keep a smile on your face even when there is nothing much to smile about.

Many thanks to PhilHealth and LifeHack.org for helping to build this post.

I wish that everyone will find happiness in their life, take your time for doing so, and as always take care, xoxo, Lovely.

Hi Loves,

This is Lovely herself,

and first of all, I wanted to wish you all a super-duper happy new year and I wish that your dreams will come true in 2021.

Today I wanted to talk about vinyl and how I see the trend is going, and how our quarantine could make a change in the whole fashion world.

COVID-19 could be an important turning point for the fashion industry, sustainability experts say. Here’s why.

Vinyl is in vogue. Whatever your budget, you can now find shiny, translucent clothes and accessories, from see-through Christian Louboutin pumps to shiny pink Fiorucci pants to glossy catsuits and miniskirts from ASOS. It’s no surprise that the style is in. Vinyl was all over the runways at Paris Fashion Week over the past two winters and, like many trends, it has eventually trickled down into mainstream fashion. Never mind that no one is wearing vinyl pants while stuck inside under quarantine.

Vinyl is also terrible for the planet. “Vinyl is PVC, which is one of the worst forms of plastic,” says Maxine Bédat, founder of the New Standards Institute, a nonprofit devoted to making fashion more sustainable. “It’s derived from fossil fuels, which is energy-intensive to create, and it does not biodegrade. It’s all-around bad.” When consumers inevitably realize that vinyl is a hideous trend and throw out all their offending garments, the material will likely be burnt, spewing carbon into the atmosphere, Bédat says. If not, it could end up in a landfill or ocean, where it will not decompose, but instead turn into tiny particles called microplastics, which can end up in food, rain, and drinking water. Just last year, a Yale report found that plastic is accelerating climate change and scientists found that the average human swallows more than 74,000 pieces of microplastic every year—the equivalent of a credit card’s worth of plastic—which damages the human liver.

The sudden appearance of vinyl everywhere is ironic at a time when many fashion brands are waging a war on plastic. Everlane vowed to cut all new plastic from its supply chain last year, Rothy’s uses old water bottles for its shoes, and Summersalt uses old plastic fishing nets to make swimsuits. Even Christian Louboutin launched a purse collection made from recycled plastic, and ASOS committed to making its mailing bags with 90% recycled plastic by the end of 2020.

If these examples reveal anything it’s that fads reign supreme in fashion. In their quest to provide novelty, fashion designers and brands trot out an endless cycle of silhouettes (skinny jeans! Bell-bottoms!) and materials (recycled plastic! Vinyl!), even if they convey diametrically opposite values. But the industry may be at a turning point. The pandemic has battered fashion. The most recent figures from the Commerce Department show that sales of clothing were down by 21% in July compared with the previous year, and Morgan Stanley has found that foot traffic to brick-and-mortar apparel stores is down by as much as 43% compared with last year. Fashion weeks around the world have shut down, and many designers, including Tory Burch and Dries Van Noten, have pledged to stop designing seasonal collections, which are partly to blame for the constant churn of clothes on the market.

The fact is that the fashion industry didn’t have much incentive to stop chasing wasteful trends until now. But with business plummeting, trends may finally die.

Why do trends drive fashion in the first place? From the industry’s earliest origins, they’ve been a way to cultivate consumers’ desire for newness, which allows companies to sell us more clothes every season. But over the past two decades, we’ve taken our overconsumption to new levels. The industry doubled its production from 50 billion articles of clothing to 100 billion between 2000 and 2015. Note: There are only 8 billion people on the planet.

But responding to trends is financially risky for brands, which buy massive amounts of inventory every season. Designers take bets on which styles will be fashionable six months from now and produce enormous quantities of whatever they believe will be trendy, such as, say, vinyl. If they read the market wrong, and customers aren’t really into the new look, or if the economy takes a dip, vast quantities of products go to waste. This is bad for the planet, but it’s also bad for a brand’s bottom line. “Brands are asking themselves how they can become more resilient to these kinds of economic shocks in the future,” says Laura Balmond, a program manager focused on fashion with the Ellen MacArthur Foundation.

Strategies that reduce waste can be good for business, says designer Misha Nonoo. Three years ago, she switched from designing traditional seasonal collections to creating classic clothes in timeless colors, then manufactures them using a zero-waste model. She set up her supply chain to make an outfit only when a customer orders it. This approach has allowed her to get through this pandemic relatively unscathed. She says that while sales have softened, she doesn’t have piles of unsold garments or unused fabrics she has bought sitting in a warehouse. And as demand for loungewear and sweats have increased, she has been able to quickly scale up the production of these clothes. “In so many ways, profitability and zero-waste manufacturing are totally aligned,” she says.

Balmond admits that shifting to new business models will require major systemic change for most brands. But this kind of change tends to happen in moments of crisis, such as the one we’re currently in. And brands that want to survive might not have a choice.

Many consumers have changed their relationship with fashion during the pandemic. Part of the reason that apparel sales have declined is that many consumers aren’t interested in buying trendy clothes. Instead, they’re buying clothes that are functional and comfortable. In April, clothing sales in the United States dropped by 79%, the greatest decline in history, as The New York Times reported; the sale of sweatpants, on the other hand, grew by 80%. “Many of us are questioning what is really essential and what is not,” says Bédat. “We’re questioning how much of these trends we really want to participate in; we’re asking ourselves what is it that clothes really do for us. This mentality could stick and lead to a much healthier industry in the future.”

Sweatpants might be the wardrobe of the day while everyone’s stuck at home, but it’s unclear whether we’ll be satisfied schlepping around in the same clothes day after day once the pandemic is over and restaurant dinners, in-person meetings, and weddings resume. At the same time, the landscape of fashion will be dramatically different. Iconic department stores like Neiman Marcus and Lord & Taylor have already declared bankruptcy, as have labels like DVF, Brooks Brothers, and J.Crew. More fashion companies will surely fall. It’ll be left to a dwindling group of surviving brands to determine if trends themselves are out of style.

This is my opinion of how and where fashion will be guided in the future. Let me know your thoughts about it on all social media channels, or right down below in the comment section.

This post was a kind of relief for me as I can see the changes in some of the postings already and the companies really changed the amount of production of alternative fashion already, which is making me sad a bit, because I love it and I am wearing it every day. It is part of me and how I express myself.

This is it for today and I will see you in the next post again, until then stay safe out there.

Make yourself a moment of lovely memories, xoxo, Lovely.

This is a post because I want to express the inequality and I want to call for justice for all.

This is not meant as a personal opinion or judgment, this post is about showing and talking about corruption and stupid hard-headed people who are threatening millions of people's life. This post shows what effects it has when your loaner cutoffs your daily income and what consequence it has for those who are working in an underrated industry but still behind the scenes it is about humans who are doing a job and wanted to earn money legally.

I am talking about it because it makes me mad to see that millions of people are suffering from these actions and that there is no solution for that as of the moment. I cannot be quiet because people are being treated like dumb asses. If no one talks about it, nothing in this world will change.

This post is about

'War Against Sex Workers:' What Visa and Mastercard Dropping Pornhub Means to Performers

Source

//The world's biggest credit card companies terminated service to Pornhub, and performers on the site say it could seriously harm their livelihoods.

This week, Visa and Mastercard cut ties with Pornhub, decision sex workers say will only harm their industry, and won't actually help victims of non-consensual imagery.

In what seemed to be a bit of good news on Tuesday, Pornhub announced that it would change its policies to only allow verified users to upload content to, or download from, the platform—as well as enact a more robust moderation process. This was a welcome shift and was a long time coming: non-consensual sexual imagery activists, as well as performers whose work is often pirated and reposted to Pornhub, have been asking for these changes for years.

The verified users that are now the only ones able to upload or download to Pornhub are also suddenly unable to receive payouts through the two biggest credit card companies.

Sex workers and activists say that this is a dangerous, discriminatory decision—one fueled by anti-porn campaigners and conservative activist groups who want sex work abolished.

In a statement published Friday, Sex Workers Outreach Project Behind Bars wrote that the decision will force more sex workers into the margins, calling it a "war" on sex workers.

"We say 'war against sex workers' because the damage they do does not impact the labor as much as it affects the laborers who depend on the Pornhub platform to earn a living," it wrote. "[...] Violence against sex workers includes the societal and institutional violence that has led to the shuttering of the online platforms that give us a measure of safety and allow us the critical resource that is the ability to access banking."

“If they can be shut down or hurt by this campaign, what hope is there for smaller platforms?”

All of these changes came days after a piece published by Nicholas Kristof in the New York Times, which highlighted the plight of child sexual abuse survivors whose images were posted Pornhub. Despite writing about an issue that's been used as political ammunition to censor adult content on the internet for decades—including the deeply harmful Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act of 2018—he barely cited performers who use the site or sex worker rights activists.

Instead, he opted to name-check Traffickinghub, a campaign run by conservative religious anti-trafficking organization Exodus Cry, which opposes decriminalizing sex work and wants to abolish porn altogether.

In that opinion piece, Kristof directly calls for payment processors to drop Pornhub: "And call me a prude, but I don’t see why search engines, banks, or credit card companies should bolster a company that monetizes sexual assaults on children or unconscious women. If PayPal can suspend cooperation with Pornhub, so can American Express, Mastercard, and Visa," he wrote. "I don’t see any neat solution."

Much of the content on Pornhub is free to view, but for many performers, Pornhub was a stable revenue stream. The platform's verified Amateur Program, as well as the clip selling service Modelhub and ad revenue made on video uploads, make up a constellation of ways performers can make money on Pornhub. Kristof's inability to see a "neat solution" erases the fact that many people rely on tube sites like Pornhub for their livelihoods, even though these sites are incredibly flawed. It's not prudish to suggest child exploitation should stop and it's willfully ignorant to suggest that it would be; everyone agrees on that, including Pornhub. Suggesting all payments on the site should be dropped is, however, callous and myopic.

"This is something we in the industry have known about for a long time, but often the trafficking or child porn headlines will drown out our voices," cam model Mary Moody told me. "We saw a similar issue unfold under SESTA/FOSTA when survival or full-service sex workers were unable to verify through Backpage and had to move to the more risky street-based work, where a disproportionate amount of minority groups are arrested."

Porn performers have dealt with de-platforming and discriminatory payment processing practices from the beginning of the internet and beyond, but have always adapted, finding new ways to continue their work. But if two of the biggest credit card companies in the world can choose to deny service to Pornhub—a household name for online porn—some worry that nothing's stopping them from denying service to smaller platforms, too.

"Pornhub/Mindgeek are a huge company with far more resources than most online platforms—if they can be shut down or hurt by this campaign, what hope is there for smaller platforms?" model Avalon Fey said. "By targeting Pornhub and successfully destroying the ability for independent creators to monetize their content, they have made it easier to remove payment options from smaller platforms too. This has nothing to do with helping abused victims, and everything to do with hurting online adult entertainers to stop them from creating and sharing adult content."

Many adult content creators make an income through several outlets, using a combination of clip sites, live streaming, subscription platforms, and independent websites, depending on what works for them. In the two years performer, Vinnie O'Neill has been in the adult industry, Pornhub and Modelhub have been his best-performing platform in terms of revenue and followers. Now, he’s worried that will all change.

“Sex workers are scared by this change, despite not having uploaded any illegal content”

"Visa and MasterCard have actually been hurting our ability to make money long before they banned Pornhub from their payment networks," O'Neill said. "For years, content creators have been suffering from having their content deleted because companies like Visa and MasterCard, through policies that constantly change, ban certain words and types of adult content."

During an unprecedented economic downturn and lack of support from the government, sites like OnlyFans have exploded in growth, as people turn to sex work to pay the bills. Dylan Thomas, an amateur performer, told me that after coming out as trans and facing discrimination and harassment in his former career, as well as a decrease in regular income from the pandemic, he chose to start modeling on Pornhub to make money. "Now Mastercard and Visa are essentially for lack of a better term cock-blocking my potential to generate income through Pornhub and Modelhub," he said. "I am watching to see if my OnlyFans will be their next target and sincerely hoping not."

Sex workers are often the most vocal, constructive critics of the platforms they use, and many have been trying to get Pornhub to change its unverified upload policies for years. Six months ago, adult model Ginger Banks started a petition specifically to ask Pornhub to change its upload policies to make them safer. No one wants sexual abuse imagery to proliferate on the internet, let alone on a site they use every day for income. But Pornhub's policy shift seems to have come too late.

"Pornhub has operated like the wild wild west, allowing pirated content which sometimes is non-consensual content," performer Allie Eve Knox said in a Twitter thread about the news. "Some of that content stays up for way too long after takedown requests, super problematic, and potentially harmful. None of us like that this happens and we have spoken out about how to fix these issues for years," she wrote.

As flawed as Pornhub is, many are also asking why sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, which have reported millions of more instances of non-consensual abusive imagery, aren't targeted the way porn sites are. Facebook alone reported 84 million instances of child sexual abuse material over the last three years.

"Of course, no one will petition for those social media sites to be taken down—because people are more concerned about porn and sex work than anything else,” performer Gwen Adora, who has also been outspoken about conservative lobbyists' efforts against porn, told me earlier this year.

Payment processors have been censoring sex workers for years, by banning adult platforms from hosting certain types of porn, such as blood play, urine, and sleeping—or by closing individual bank accounts altogether. Pulling support from a massive porn network, however, is different.

"Sex workers are scared by this change, despite not having uploaded any illegal content," Fey said, "because we have seen these patterns before and have had sites and payment processors permanently and unexpectedly shut down." //

In addition to that, I wanted to share a Twitter by Asa Akira and her words are just lovely and true about the current situation.

She added the following thread to this

//"What’s happening to Pornhub is not a war on Pornhub, sexual abuse, or child trafficking; it’s a war on sex work. These supposed “activists” are rightwing, anti-porn, anti-feminist, anti-sex workgroups using unfortunate situations victims have had to endure, to push their own agenda.

They donate millions, head campaigns to better the world (not just in areas of human sexuality, but also the environment, feminism, etc.), and are proudly supported by much of mainstream media. If they can be taken down by such hate - who is next? How are we, as an industry, safe?

whether it be social media platforms treating us with extreme bias, politicians attempting to (and succeeding) in passing measures that further put us in danger, or evangelist groups trying to shut us down under the guise of “saving the children” like in this particular instance.

Pornhub is the only big media platform that has human moderators screening every video before publishing - a fact that is highlighted in the data that Facebook has had 84 MILLION cases of Child Sexual Abuse Material reported in the last 3 years, and Pornhub has had 118. Total.

They have always worked with the authority to catch these sick predators and continue to search for ways to better prevent such videos from seeing the light of day. Recently, they banned and deleted ALL uploads from non-verified users.

Thank u for reading all of this. I will always continue to live as my true horny self, and I will never give up on my right to do so. But I am scared.

One thing all of these fights have in common, is that they are always led - dishonestly - in the name of “activism.” Please, I beg of you, do not be fooled by this.

Again, if even they are not safe - what does that mean for adult work?? I am most saddened because Pornhub has unapologetically stood as allies and defenders of us sex workers when so many companies we work with have not.

In the time I’ve been in porn, there has not been a single moment we sex workers have been free of this war;

What’s scarier this time around for me - compared to any of the times before - is that Pornhub is arguably the biggest, most mainstream company our industry has ever seen. They are a household name and have done more than any other company in the past to normalize sex work.

I hope Visa and MasterCard see the harm they are doing to sex workers and the porn industry, but I’m not hopeful; they’ve never been our allies, and I doubt they will start now. It’s a very sad, disheartening time... but I can’t really say any of it is brand new."//

Again, this is what she said on her Twitter account and I believe she spoke for millions of workers in the industry. You can find her Twitter Account right here Asa Akira.

I had to reshare this and had to make a post about it because I am a supporter that everyone is being treated equally, fairly, and that we all experience the same rights and justice as we deserve because we are all humans.

If you want to support the industry and this post as well, please share it, and make it aware.

Thank you,

Lovely.

Hi Loves,

It's Lovely herself ☝☝☝

and today I have a guest on the page.

Jessica Ariel Wendroff (@jesswendroff) is a Photo Editor and Writer at Elite Daily. When she is not working, she is stepping into postcards, being a shopping goddess, or shooting street photography. Today she is writing about a very important topic for demisexual people."I'm Demisexual: You Have To Seduce My Heart Before You Get To My Body

I’m the pickiest gatekeeper when it comes to the people I let into my inner circle. Not to toot my own horn, but -- according to others -- my green eyes, dirty blonde/mermaid hair, and deep curves make me "attractive." Despite my features, though, I have a tendency to date people who are what you might call "genetically jaded." In other words, my friends have ALWAYS told me I "could do better" whenever they see a picture of the guy I'm dating. Every. Single. One. They called me "Beauty" and the boy "Beast." “Are you blind?! Just think of how your poor children will look!” girlfriends would shriek as they held his Insta in their hands, and I’d giggle and cover my face with my hands in shame. But I would still always decide to give the guy a chance, even if I wasn’t physically attracted to him. And, to be honest, out of all the guys I’ve EVER had ANY type of relationship with, I was never initially attracted to their looks.

When it comes to my choice in men, their souls always override their physical appearance -- the thing that people usually prioritize. Somehow my eyes have developed superhero X-ray vision that the rest of the world seems to lack. And in almost 24 years, I’ve kissed fewer people than I have fingers, been in relationships with only three men, and only been on ONE date that didn't lead to another. And I’ve finally figured out why I can date people I don't initially find that physically attractive. I am a demisexual. Since I am demisexual, I do “not experience sexual attraction unless [I] form a strong emotional connection with someone.” The first time I read this, it made perfect sense. All of my boyfriends had originally been my friends. Demisexuals don't let just anyone into their lives or their bodies. The way to a demisexual's body is through the mind. Here’s why: Demisexuals put the “friend” in boyfriend or girlfriend. All of the moments and memories you have to make up who you are. Demisexuals have to get to know those pieces before we decide whether or not we want to play with them.

We like to know as much about our partners as possible, and we do that by being close -- or even best friends with -- a potential partner. In the beginning, it's all about friendship and chemistry. We spend a lot of time talking. We go on late-night drives, eat Chipotle, and FaceTime until we have to trudge to work with eggplants under our eyes. We do all these things in the name of love. It's our duty to know how you broke your arm when you were 10 or why your favorite song is Puddle of Mudd's "Blurry." We need to know what motivates you in the morning before we can even think about waking you up with oral. Demisexuals need to spend time with you before they can be wined and dined by you. Since the emotional bond established in friendship is a prerequisite to being in a relationship with us, demisexuals are terrified of the thought of online dating and random hookups. Tinder represents dating as a gateway to sex. This frightens us. We need to be able to take comfort in knowing that people acknowledge the constellations of our past before seeing the birthmarks on our skin. We're probably more sensitive than most, so it's scary to even think of spending time with people who haven't already proven themselves worthy of our attention. Demisexuals don’t have sex; they make love. Demisexuals want to be intimate with our partners in every sense of the word. To us, sex isn't just about hitting a G-spot or getting a fix; it's about revealing the most vulnerable parts of our bodies to someone who already knows the most vulnerable parts of our lives. In contrast to those who can "hit it and quit it," demisexuals choose sexual partners very, very carefully. We want to look into the eyes of a partner and see someone worthwhile staring back.

Demisexuals have to be able to trust before being able to lust. Demisexuals can be THE biggest freaks. We can have sexual appetites usually seen in nymphomaniacs, but if we're not comfortable with you, we're not going to let you see that sexual side of us. We need to know what's on your mind before we see what's in your pants. Answering how many partners you've had and if you're STD-free is not sufficient enough to have sex with us. Demisexuals need to swoon before we spoon. We truly need to know that we can feel comfortable with -- and trust -- our partners. We don’t want to get hurt. And because of how much we value an emotional connection, we take the proper time to touch each other before actually touching each other."

Thank you, Jessica, for writing and sharing this story with us.

Lovely 💜💜💜

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