Hi Loves,
this is Lovely,
herself, and today I want to talk about me being demisexual and why it can be hell on earth. I am doing a post because you liked the version of why being pansexual can be hell so much, that I thought it would be a good idea to explain the other side of myself as well.
A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a solid emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire only towards the specific partner or partners.
This can be confusing for someone who doesn’t fall in that part of the sexuality spectrum, but I’m going to simplify it a bit with some examples of situations that some of us may get through that I find hilariously sad.
#1. Even if you don’t feel sexual attraction for anyone, you get horny anyway
There isn’t much more to say to this except that THIS IS HORRIBLE because…
#2. Masturbation can be difficult if you don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone
Imagination is a big deal when you pleasure yourself. And when there is nothing to fantasize about except for yourself masturbating, things can become dull and boring pretty fast. And even if you feel romantic attraction for someone and want to have their babies and build a house at the top of a mountain, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel sexual attraction at all. But when you finally find someone that you find hot, you will touch yourself at least three times a day to make up for all that precious lost time. Trust me.
Too much information
#3. You only want romance and cuddles; they also enjoy sex
The problem with this is that whatever choice you make to handle this situation, it can become uncomfortable for one or both of the persons involved with an incredible quick escalation. If you tell them that you don’t feel attracted to them at that moment, some of them will feel insecure, ugly, and unsexy because most people let their partners rate if they are desirable or not. But if you have sexual relationships with them to satisfy the urge, some of them will not even consider the effort you are making to try to make things work and probably think you are a whore just because you are trying to make yourself comfortable. Tip: even if you don’t feel sexual attraction for the other person, you could enjoy sex in itself. The last group is a bunch of assholes, and they don’t even deserve your effort. If the case is the first one, you could overcome the situation together by talking about it and setting boundaries together to make them understand that they aren’t the problem. Or maybe they won’t understand at all and will blame you forever for their insecurities. I think the best way is always to talk about it: nothing great can come from secrecy.
Secrecy makes Pinkie Pie sad.
#4. Sometimes you want to make sweet love to (almost) all of your most intimate friends
There can come times when you feel a solid deep emotional connection with your friends, bringing sexual attraction when there wasn’t before or won’t be after. This is a common feeling even between sexual persons, but it can become hard to handle when our sexual desire is complicated and hard to understand. Having these desires doesn’t mean that we only want a one-night stand, but neither that we suddenly wish to establish a romantic relationship. Sometimes a bit of sexual expression of love can overcome us. I usually have a lot of trouble trying to explain this, but in the end, it always works out well.
Sharing is caring!
#5. They think you reinforce normative sexuality
Even if you support the queer theory, you will find people who think that you are sexually repressed and that your “posture” on sexuality denigrates women's sexual freedom because… Ok, I don’t know why. I don’t even want to talk about this. Fuck this shit.
This post format was totally plagiarized from my brain, and all information is based on my own vagina.
XoXo, Lovely.
