Suddenly I kissed my best friend; apparently, I liked her more then just friends. When I had a little bit too much to drink it showed. Never before had I thought about dating girls, especially not dating my best friend. Luckily I never thought about it, otherwise, I would have thought about the consequences that that kiss could bring along. Because what would happen if it didn’t come from both sides?
Looking back, there were lots of puzzle pieces that now fit the puzzle. I had special feelings for some female people I met; a crush on a teacher or that one girl I met while traveling around the world. I only never knew it was a crush, or maybe I just did not want to know? And since I never knew, how could my family know? For some family members my coming out was as big a surprise as it was for me. It was time to tell them when I was already together with Maartje for a couple of weeks. Of course, I was not totally ready yet to tell everyone, as I was a bit scared.
On a hot summer festival day, it felt like the right moment to tell my stepbrother. He is one of the most open-minded and sweetest people I know and I decided that was a good first person to tell. I took my chance when he needed a pee-break. I followed him to the portable toilets and started off with “I need to tell you something…”. And in the silence that followed his always-happy face turned into a concerned one. He wondered if I was pregnant or had broken the law. When I told him I was in love with a girl he laughed and hugged me because he was so happy for me (or happy because I was not pregnant or a criminal). I specifically asked him not to tell anyone yet, but of course, he told his girlfriend as soon as they saw each other.
Later that month, I told my other stepbrother. We were on vacation together with his girlfriend, his mom, and my dad. And despite my dad and stepmom being the warmest and kind people, I wasn’t ready to tell them yet.
Time passed by and Maartje already told her entire family. I didn’t. So Maartje pushed me in to tell more people, and I needed that push. My stepmom already knew there was something going on between Maartje and me; she asked my stepbrothers a couple of times about it. But my stepbrothers knew I had to tell her myself. When they were having dinner at my stepbrother’s place, Maartje and I surprisingly showed up and told her. Or well, it was not that easy. But when we told her, my stepmom cried (out of happiness, yes) and hugged us saying it doesn’t matter whom we are with, as long as we are happy.
Telling my mum, sister and friends were a lot harder. My mom and sister did not see it coming at all and my mom even said: “well, at least it’s better than seeing two guys kissing”. Thanks, mom, that is really encouraging. Luckily my sister was more encouraging and after a while, my mum got used to the idea. She is now totally fine with it. She eventually told the rest of the family, and I was glad I did not have to tell everyone myself.
Maartje and I had a great group of friends – consisting of crazy and like-minded people – around us who are totally supportive of our relationship. Coming out to them was not as hard, but more so funny. Again it was a big surprise to most of them. A week before telling a specific friend, we held a movie marathon in our house. This friend suddenly asked me: Roxanne, are you in love? My face turning red right away I had to answer, “yes, I am”. At a theme party a week later I told him “so, the person whom I love is here as well” and he started pointing around, “is it him, or him, or him?” His face was worth millions when I pointed at Maartje and said, “I’m in love with her.”
I bet you are curious about Maartje’s coming out story as well, check it out here!
