#ThisIsWhatDemisexualLooksLike - Part 3 - Who am I and what is demisexuality? (Part 2) - DEMI VS ASEXUAL
DISCLAIMER: PLEASE READ PART 1 FIRST AS IT CONNECTS DIRECTLY TO PART 2, TO THAT POST HERE.
How does demisexuality relate to asexuality and the asexual spectrum?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which one feels little to no sexual attraction or interest in sex (the former definition is more widely used, but some asexuals use the latter purpose. Both are valid and accepted.) Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum, meaning they are closely aligned with asexuality, but not entirely asexual. The asexual spectrum has asexuality on one end and non-asexuality on the other end.
Demisexuals are considered part of the asexual community because, for the most part, they don’t feel sexual attraction. Many demisexuals are only attracted to a handful of people in their lifetimes, or even just one person. Many demisexuals are also uninterested in sex, so they have a lot in common with asexuals.
The thing that makes them different from asexuals is that they can feel sexual attraction—it’s just that it only happens after they form a deep emotional bond with someone.
How do demisexuals feel about sex?
According to the 2014 AVEN Census, two-thirds of demisexuals are uninterested in and repulsed by sex. However, there is a significant portion that enjoys it. Demisexuals have a variety of feelings about sex and other sexual activities, like masturbating and watching porn, so it’s hard to make statements about the group as a whole. All feelings about sex are valid in a demisexual identity: the only thing that defines demisexuals is that they only feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond.
Whether they feel sexually attracted to someone or not, they can choose to have sex, too. They might want to have sex to get pregnant, to see what it’s like, or for some other reason.
Why do demisexuals need a label?
The label helps demisexuals form a sense of community and a stronger sense of self. Through this label, they learn that there are others like them out there, and that there’s a community to support them. In this community, demisexuals can talk to others who share the same experiences, share advice on navigating a very sexual world, and find emotional support. The community unites around this label, which helps its members feel more secure in their identities.
Many demisexuals grow up feeling different from those around them. Most people have their first instance of sexual attraction in their preteen years. From that point on, sex becomes a topic of curiosity and interest for them, and they eventually look forward to pursuing it. There is a lot of talk about sex for children and teens in school—what it’s like, what it’ll be like, etc. This becomes more prevalent as they approach college and early adulthood.
Demisexuals often feel alienated by these conversations because they aren’t interested in sex, they don’t find people sexually attractive, or both. When the conversation turns to hot celebrities, for example, demisexuals may feel confused, and wonder what it is their friends see and feel. They wonder if they will eventually feel it too, and some even end up feeling “broken.” Knowing that there are others like them helps demisexuals feel less alone.
