Dear Loves,
Thanks for being interested in that series, and I do appreciate the feedback that I got. In part 1, we spoke about the signs that might give you an idea why you could be demisexual, but do you actually know what it is? How did I find out that I am demi, and most of all, who am I? I would like to answer these questions, but this topic is so complex, that I will be splitting it into two parts.
What is Demisexuality?
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexual feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity. Keep reading to understand more about this orientation.
What is the emotional bond demisexual need for sexual attraction?
It varies based on the demisexual’s personal experiences and is slightly different for everyone. Emotional intimacy is a primary component, usually, so some demisexual find themselves attracted to close friends or romantic partners. Other features may include familiarity with the person and knowledge about them (ex: learning about aspects of their personality). However, forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee that sexual attraction will happen. It is just a prerequisite for it to occur at all. The length of time required to develop an emotional bond may vary. For some demisexual, it’s after several years of being close friends with someone, and for others, it might be a short but intense experience, such as traveling abroad for a week with them.
Isn’t it normal to only want sex after getting to know someone?
There’s a difference between feeling sexually attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with them. The sexual attraction isn’t something you can control—either you have sexual feelings for someone or not. You can’t force it to happen, and you can’t force it to go away, so you don’t have a choice in the matter. Sexual behavior, on the other hand, is something you can choose to participate in or not. Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum feel sexual attraction regardless of whether they have a close emotional bond with someone. They may have sexual feelings for attractive people on the street, classmates, or coworkers they’ve barely spoken to, or celebrities. However, they may choose to wait to have sex for a variety of reasons: it might not be feasible or appropriate, they want to make sure the person is respectful and kind, it’s against their religious beliefs, they only want to have sex in a romantic relationship, etc. The difference is that demisexual don’t start with these sexual feelings at all.
Who am I?
As a reminder, I am Lovely Jade Heaven, living in the Philippines, and I am demisexual. I consider myself an emotionally solid person who also needs to have a strong emotional connection to my partners. I met my partners in various situations in the past, and I felt a strong emotional connection with them immediately. Likewise, I thought it because that feeling in my heart told me, “you are the right one for me.” That is the way I noticed I was fancy about someone. I never had a crush on a celebrity, but that has changed this year. It is possible to have feelings in more than just one person if you are demisexual, but I believe, based on my experiences, that there is only one who can hold up the strongest bond that will keep you close for a very long time. I had eight relationships already. The idea about me being demisexual came in 2012. I was in a relationship with a girl, and we had the best and strongest emotional bond I have ever experienced in life. She told and taught me many things about sexuality, and she was the one who gave me an idea of what it means to be demisexual.
I never had that strong emotional connection to someone like her again, but it does not mean I cannot fall in love again. Love has always been different for me. It is never the same, but it always feels good and makes me realize being in love with someone only works if we connect on an emotional basis. This connection has always been different for me. Imagine you get a ten-different TV. Each TV will give you a different experience of how you would enjoy watching TV. That is an example that fits best to me if I had to answer how I feel about being demisexual. But do not base your love on a ranking. It was just an example. Love is not something to be ranked and demisexual feeling, neither. You will need to learn to understand that every relationship, a new love, and a new partner is different from the one before, so your demisexual connection will be. You need to understand that it is always a unique experience, and I hope that this series will help you get an idea and a path through acknowledging that you are demisexual.
If you would like to know more about me and who I am, please take a look at this link.
I will see you again in the next part of this series. Until then, stay safe out there, and thanks for reading.
