SENSITIVE CONTENT IN THIS POST BASED ON A TRUE STORY
I went through the darkest moment a person can have in his or her life. I went through darkness, and I met the devil who introduced himself as a friend. He guided me to the world of death. I decided to talk about it and maybe it will help me in a way that I can handle being still alive in a better way, to become a better person, to take off memories, and relieve some thoughts. So I will take you on a journey that left a lovely person behind and that created a person with a broken heart and almost no hope. And this is my story about my experiences before that day when I wanted to kill myself.
This is
This the first part of Part 9 - Leaving
I felt my heart slowing down, "Hardly."
Devil shrugged, "Let's go, sparky. You and I have matters to discuss."
The second this creep lets me go, I'm gonna run.
"...and I will stick to you," he said in his mind.
"But first I will have to get someone first."
1 day later
It is a nice sunny day. I am about to head over to my best friend's house. She is such a lovely person and whenever I need her, she is there for me.
We have been through a lot together already and we met during work. We had a connection from the beginning on. She was one of those I could tell everything. Whenever we hang out together it was like time stands still. You will find this kind of best friend only ones in life.
I was rushing to see her. We went to the river near her house, luckily she was living near.
She told me, that her parents had a fight earlier. She was sad.
"They cannot be with each other anymore and my mum said she wanted to leave. I do not want her to leave. I'd rather leave to make them realized that they will miss me and that they bond together again."
"I do not think that this is a good idea. We need you, they do, and I do, too."
"But you are not there when they are fighting, you do not know how it feels when parents are mad at each other."
"I can only imagine."
"It's normal for parents to disagree and argue from time to time. Parents might disagree about money, home chores, or how to spend time. They might disagree about big things — like important decisions they need to make for the family. They might even disagree about little things that don't seem important at all — like what's for dinner or what time someone gets home."
I was thinking about this and I replied: "Sometimes parents can disagree with each other and still manage to talk about it calmly, where both people get a chance to listen and to talk. But many times when parents disagree, they argue. An argument is a fight using words."
"But parents' arguments usually don't mean that they don't love each other or that they're getting a divorce. Most of the time the arguments are just a way to let off steam when parents have a bad day or feel stressed out over other things. Most people lose their cool now and then."
"Just like kids, when parents get upset they might cry, yell, or say things they don't really mean. Sometimes an argument might not mean anything except that one parent or both just lost their temper. Just like kids, parents might argue more if they're not feeling their best or are under a lot of stress from a job or other worries."
This was that kind of glory conversation we had.
I asked her how it feels like when her parents are fighting
"I usually feel upset when I see or hear my parents arguing. It's hard to hear the yelling and the unkind words. Seeing parents upset and out of control can make me feel unprotected and scared.
I might worry about one parent or the other during an argument. I might worry that one parent may feel especially sad or hurt because of being yelled at by the other parent. I might worry that one parent seems angry enough to lose control. I might worry that my parents might be angry with them, too, or that someone might get hurt.
Sometimes my parents' arguments make me cry or give me a stomachache. Worry about arguments can even make it hard to go to sleep or go to school."
I wish it was not like that, I wish there was a way to escape from that."
Then suddenly I got a cold shower on my back and I saw that the devil listened to our conversation.
"But first I will have to get someone first," I remember his words.
"I hope that you will not do anything to her"
My friends said "who are you talking to?" and eventually I realized that I said it out loud.
"Don't matter. What are we going to do about it? Do you want to stay with me tonight?"
"No, it is fine, I will just go home, taking the latest train going home."
"Are you sure about that? It is okay if you want to stay with me."
For some reason, I did not want her to leave like that, and then I still had these words in my mind
"But first I will have to get someone first."
"Would something happen tonight I would never forgive myself that I left her alone?"
I was just talking to myself.
We were walking alongside the river still, had some ice cream, and also talked about some fun things. And she all of a sudden said "you look really wonderful in those leather leggings and I wish we were even closer than just friends."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Well you know me, I am shy, but you give me a lot of reasons not to be shy. With you, I can be who I am."
"Same..."
"You showed me what it means to let myself go, I can share everything with you."
"Funny I was thinking about it earlier, too."
"And then whenever we are together time flies. But first I will have to get something first."
This shocked me a bit because I understood "But first I will have to get someone first."
And then we arrived at the train station and I saw...
To be continued...
