NATURAL SHINE - Flashback to 2020 - How Honey and Britney changed my life and what I have learned from them

You know I am living alone. There is not that much that I could do during the lockdown. In June, we had our second phase of a hard lockdown. I tried to stay positive as much as I could but there were a couple of moments when I was talking bad about myself. I was pulling myself down. I was not listening to myself but too dark voices. It is a slow process. It is like you are walking in a way that will make you feel like you cannot progress or process things anymore. When you are always alone you're starting to question yourself. Remember that movie Cast Away with Tom Hanks? He experienced the same and I felt like I was cast away from myself. The hobbies and things I love to do did not make me happy anymore. Even listening to music was just a filler for something I was looking for. I felt left alone like a soul that just left the body. I think that is a social phenomenon when all of a sudden people are forced to stay at home and when life stands still.

This slow but very toxic process was pulling me and my moods down until November. During this month, I was looking for videos on YouTube searching for people who experienced the same situations before, and then I found the channel by Britney. I was listening to her story, that she felt in a kind of the same situation a couple of years ago. I was listening to her story and reading some articles about her, and I tried to keep in my mind what she was saying in one of her videos. I will always remember that. She was almost crying on camera, and she said that she does not want to be in that mood anymore, and the only thing that gave her joy before was doing the things she loves to do. She was doing a book intro in that video. This video ended with her saying

"It is going to be better, and I will be back to normal again. I will be able to love again, and I will be happy again. I don't know when that is going to be, but I know for myself that it will happen one day."

This really touched me in a way I cannot describe because for some reason I was finding myself in these words. I love the concept of self-reflection. I felt like she is talking from the button of my soul and that she is taking my pain away. I know that there are a lot of couples who have to face depression and emotional chaos like Honey for example, and I am far away, too, from being fully happy, but there is one thing I can say for sure. This video awakened something in me. This video changed something that I still can't explain today. It's hard to put into words.

I am pansexual, and I know that I am very much relying on my own emotions. I do not try to question this anymore. I am trying to live and experience this in a way that I am able not to be affected anymore. There are a couple of people who will just inspire you naturally, and you cannot find words for this. I feel the same way about Britney. When I am watching her doing things today I can feel how much she has changed. She is trying to enjoy things as much as possible. During a talk with her, she told but that the most important thing in life is to believe in yourself and she has not been like that for a long time.

"I have not been like this for a long time, and it took me a while to reach that point."

You have to fight for some things in life and I believe that happiness is one of those. But here I am again because I am pan, and I do share love in a natural, it is a given for me. But last year I stopped doing that because I did not see happiness in life anymore. Britney has taught me a lot about being happy, and I learned a lot from her.

"Love or hate me, I do not care. I am who I am, and I am not willing to change this for anyone. People have to respect me for who I am. If not just leave."

This was a tweet by Honey Gold. When I am seeing people sharing their thoughts and things about the true value of life it inspires me. Honey is another inspiration. She is an idol of what it means to let yourself go (my very own quote for life). She pushes things in life. She is not shy to share what she is experiencing and what she is feeling. I am the same. During the lockdown, I was not. Her special quotes and tweets lifted me up. I found myself in her thoughts and shares. These two people, before strangers now mentors and teachers helped me to remember what is most important in life. Stay strong, be true to yourself, be yourself, and do not let other people dictate what you should do and feel in life. Our own values are so important to us, and they make us who we are - diversified and inclusive. To be happy in life is not a thing that will just happen overnight, it is a long journey. I listened also to Honey's and Britney's stories on the Holly Randal podcast. Honey and Birtney were so open about their past and themselves that I decided for myself that I want to be back, the same, as that, too. Because I know that it is me, it is the best I can be, and it took me 3 months of hard work, mental health training, therapy, a lot of tears, and a lot of energy to get back to that point that I can be able to say again, that I am happy with what I have in life. I am still healing from a lot of other things as well as you can read my SEASON 3 series but the way of healing has changed because of these two ladies who are inspirational, powerful with their words and actions, teachers, mentors, and they are just fantastic people because I can feel that their heart is at the right place. I am super proud of them and that they are still doing what they love to do. I think that is something we all could adopt. That said I just wanted to take a moment to write these things down and also to say thank you, Britney and Honey. I appreciate you a lot, and I am sharing all my love with you. You two are beautiful unicorns and without you, your stories, words, shares, and lessons things would have been even more difficult for me, and I am sure that I am not just talking for myself. Thanks for everything. 💗💗💗 xoxo, Lovely.

If you want to understand also why I am writing these things down, please read this article as well <3 

Happy Valentines Day everyone, let love be the one to guide you.