Dear Loves,
A very warm welcome to a fresh and new story on my website. Today I want to share something with you that I was about to do this year. I wanted to kill myself. This is a real talk story, and I had these thoughts for a very long time, to be honest, but let me start the talk from the beginning first.
Suicide-No one wants to talk about it. The words secret, stigma, and taboo come to mind when we hear it voiced. But it doesn't discriminate; individuals from every race, age, culture, class, and
gender are affected by suicide. At one time or another, every person finds life overwhelming. Some can't cope or can't find a solution to their emotions or troubles and fall into despair, seeing suicide as the only way out. Before a person reaches this stage, however, there are often red flags. It's vital that these signs aren't ignored, overlooked, or minimized by family, friends, and loved ones. The information provided here can help you understand the causes and warning signs, and offer some suggestions on suicide prevention.
Suicide is more widespread than you might think, it's the fourth leading cause of death worldwide. It's easy to feel sorrow and regret not only for the victims but also for their loved ones who are deeply affected by the loss. While many find the topic uncomfortable to talk about, the reality is that suicide can affect anyone. If you suspect someone you know is considering suicide, act quickly to get professional support. Or if you find yourself contemplating it, contact a counselor, medical professional, or suicide/distress hotline immediately. There are many reasons that can cause someone to see suicide as the only solution to their problems, and it may, at one time or another, happen to you, your family, friends, neighbors, or coworkers.
Today's story that I would like to share with you today is a real story that happened, and it's my story, and it happened this year. At this point, I have to say yes, I had suicidal thoughts this year. Yes, I wanted to end my life. I kept having these images in my head where I just took a knife and cut my fingers off my hand so that I could just bleed to death because the pain and suffering I had to go through this year, was just too big. I didn't know whether it should go forward or backward, I just didn't have a point of reference to life anymore and thought to myself, it's better if I just disappear, it's better if I'm just not there anymore than someone else would miss me. The pressure was so great on me that I could hardly breathe, and I had permanent panic attacks here every day, and I had to suffer through the worst that can be imagined every day. Anyone who knows me and who visits my site often and reads every post knows that this is not the first time.
Occasionally, I just think to myself that it would be the best feeling in the world to just be like a bird and fly away. I picture myself floating over the whole world and enjoying the beauty of this planet. It is the beauty and the purity that is missing in this life, it is the thoughts that lead me to have a better life. I had these horror images in my head for months. Until the end of June, to be honest. I've always asked myself what's wrong with you, and why do you have these images in your head, but the black fog around me grew thicker and denser and I couldn't find a way out? I haven't talked to anyone about it, not even my therapist. Maybe I should do that in one of the next sessions, but we changed some medication and I think that was the sticking point where the so-called turning point happened. Every so often I catch myself when I take a knife in my hand and z. B. cut up a piece of meat so that it is not easy to see, but one of my body parts. At the moment this is only temporary, but I can feel that it is more or less getting stronger again and I try to fight it with all my might because I have a task in this world and I have a mission. I have dreams, desires, goals, everything I would wish for should come true. I prefer not to give up the thought of all the positive things that I could still experience.
And that is also most of the people who have thoughts of killing themselves. If there is still a part of your life that you are somewhat filled with happiness and prosperity, then hold on to it and do not let the light go from you. This can, e.g., be certain music, a pet, a place where you like to go, someone, you especially like, or just the feeling of the warm sun. Should you still see sunshine in your life, do not give up, and do not give up the hope of striving for better days? Life finds a way, and it will accompany you on this way. Ask for help if you have problems or if you are toying with the idea of ending your life. Friends, family, therapists, anyone can help. Entrust yourself to a person whom you particularly trust.
This is what I wanted to share with you today and what I have never shared with anyone before, not even with my closest trusted circle of friends. I write about it because I feel better afterward because it gives me relief that makes me feel like I can finish with it. I am relatively certain that I will carry these thoughts around with me for a while, but I go to bed every day and know that I will wake up the next morning and that every morning is a new chance to start a life. Maybe to continue. But there is one thing I have never forgotten through all this horror, and that is that I value life. Fear, despair, depression can definitely pull you down, but I also know that things can go up again, and I wish that with all my heart for everyone who is in the same situation. Do not believe in yourselves and believe in the strength that rests in you and enjoys life because you only have this one thing.
Thank you for reading, and I wish you a wonderful day, yours lovely.
