Hello my dear Loves,
Today I would like to talk about something that has become a major topic for me recently. The reason why I value people, and why I cannot have negative feelings for people. This is a consequence that follows immediately of being demisexual and panromantic.
Pansexuality is a concept that goes back to the time of Freud but has achieved new currency as celebrities, and an increasing number of millennial youth have claimed a pansexual identity (Grinberg). Whether it connotes a sexual/romantic orientation in addition to an identity is unclear; who are pansexual rests on a proverbial slippery slope.
Pansexual could refer to someone sexually and/or romantically attracted to a person regardless of that person's biological sex. It's not their natural equipment that is most critical. Sociologist Emily Lenning expanded this definition by centrally including gender. Hence, pansexuality is "a sexual attraction to all people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex." Others extend even this broad definition by delineating pansexuality as being not about the sexual equipment of the individual or how feminine or masculine the individual is or feels (gender identity), but about the person as an individual — inclusive of just about anything.
As a working definition, though, most researchers would follow Morandini and colleagues:
"Pansexual is often conceptualized as a label that denotes sexual or romantic attraction to people regardless of their gender expression (masculinity or femininity), gender identity, or biological sex."
They reported that among nonheterosexual pansexual individuals, five times more women than men identified as pansexual. Also more likely to identify as pansexual were nonheterosexuals from younger generations and those who have a gender identity, gender expression, or gender role that society considers inappropriate for the sex one was assigned at birth (aka "noncisgender"). Finally, pansexual individuals "overwhelmingly represented their sexual/romantic attractions as falling within the bisexual range of the sexual continuum."
This last point has been problematic for many, including the singer/actress Miley Cyrus, who recently came out as pansexual. In a 2016 interview with Variety, she said:
"I always hated the word 'bisexual,' because that's even putting me in a box. I don't ever think about someone being a boy or someone being a girl… My eyes started opening in the fifth or sixth grade. My first relationship in my life was with a chick… I saw one human in particular who didn't identify as male or female. Looking at them, they were both: beautiful and sexy and tough but vulnerable and feminine but masculine. And I related to that person more than I related to anyone in my life."
I agree that we should be careful to distinguish pansexuals from bisexual individuals, even though many pansexuals have "bisexual" attractions and behaviors. However, as Morandini and colleagues pointed out, pansexuality per se "explicitly rejects attractions based on binary notions of sex (male versus female) and gender (man versus woman)." Lenning noted, "Whereas bisexuality implies a dichotomy, pansexuality suggests the possibility of attraction to a spectrum of gender identities."
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In addition, many individuals are exclusively or primarily straight or gay in terms of their sexual orientation who also identify as pansexual. They and others who are in the middle sexualities of the sexual continuum stress additional aspects of the person — such as their personality, temperament, likeability, or body type.
Here are four young men I've interviewed who identify as pansexual — note their emphasis on "the person" and on their own fluidity:
Charles, 18: "Sort of don't think of me as straight or as only attracted to girls. Don't consider me to be gay or bisexual, but just attracted to all people the same. Attracted to the person and not the Gender. Nothing to do with them being male or female."
Marcos, 19: "Gender is not an issue. It is the person, the personality."
Dave, 23: "Pansexual because depends on the person. I tell people I'm bisexual, but I like girls more, and that I'm sexually attracted to guys, but more into girls because I find more qualities that I like and find sexually attractive."
Kenworthy, 23: "Pansexual. It's easier to say than bisexual. It depends on the situation. I might say straight… Whatever is true to go with sexual attractions and infatuations at the moment."
The reality is that we actually know little about pansexuals and pansexuality. For example, we don't even see the prevalence of pansexuals, mainly because "pansexual" is seldom offered as an option in research studies. We also don't know pansexuals' developmental milestones, sexual and romantic histories, personality characteristics, variations among sociodemographic variables such as race/ethnicity or social class, or even societal attitudes and beliefs about pansexuals.
This is unfortunate because pansexuality is a real thing with repercussions and importance among millennial youth who are searching for identities that adequately reflect where they are with their internal sexual and romantic compass. Pansexuality offers teenagers an opportunity not to rule out anyone solely because of their sex or Gender (Papisova). It explodes traditional categorical identities, such as straight, bisexual, and gay.
How do I know that I value every person? I have set myself nine rules that I apply to each of you. I will explain this in the same way, as we are teammates.
1. Be interested.
It is necessary to get to know what your people can do, what they have done in previous roles, and what they do better than anyone else. To build strong, trusting relationships and show how much you value your people, get to know who they are – not just what they've done. Understand their life outside of work. Seek to build a better relationship by developing a genuine interest in who they are as people and what they are passionate about. Check-in regularly on topics that aren't related to work.
2. Provide regular, constructive feedback.
To help your people be the best they can be, get usually providing feedback – regularly. Your people will become even more valuable to you when they constantly refine, improve, and build new skills. Feedback is the fuel to enable that kind of performance improvement. Don't wait for the annual review to tell them how they are doing.
3. Invest in them.
Know what they need to succeed and give them the time and resources they need to do it. Understand the learning opportunities provided by your talent development team and encourage your people to go. And if the learning program they need (to deliver significant value) doesn't exist inside your company, be willing to fund external training.
4. Prepare to lose them.
Although it's hard to get new people up to speed, and no leader wants to lose her best people, preparing your employees to succeed in their careers is essential. Helping them advance – even when it means they leave your team to move to another part of the organization – is the sign of a great leader. Like a parent who knows their kids will leave the nest someday, prepare for your people's departure. It shows your commitment to them and your company because you're doing the right thing for both, even if it eventually creates an open req. The risk of losing a star team member is worth the payoff of working with the best in the business, even if they don't stay forever.
5. Set clear, measurable expectations.
Your people need a clear understanding of what you need them to do and how success will be measured for your people to succeed. And in the dynamic world of work, that means providing regular updates. An annual conversation about performance and planning won't suffice.
6. Make time for them.
You are busy. And maybe you manage an extensive group. That makes it hard for you to devote time to each individual. Yet, they need to know that you have their back. If you think group team meetings are enough, you're missing out on building profound relationships with your people. Take time to meet with them individually as often as possible, and be fully attentive when you do so.
7. Acknowledge them publicly.
Sure, you likely praise your people's accomplishments during your one-on-ones. To deliver even greater value, acknowledge them in meetings in front of their peers and senior leaders. They are looking to impress. This shows your genuine commitment to not just your employees, but also to other important constituencies.
8. Say the tough stuff.
The item above makes sense and can be fun, but the flip side – delivering the really tough information – can be a challenge. Nonetheless, it's one of the most valuable things you can do for your people. You need to tell them when they have a behavior that will limit their career advancement or what the consequences will be if they don't resolve a significant issue, including their EQ skills or even their grooming.
9. Allow them to use their superpowers.
We all love doing the things we are great at – and occasionally, the nature of our business doesn't take advantage of that. Yet, when we are doing things at which we excel, we are delivering exceptional value while feeling fulfilled. To help your people use their superpowers, you need to help them unearth them, and then you need to help them find situations and projects in which they can leverage their strengths.
I am following these rules since I can think about them. They have helped me to understand different people, cultures, habits, orientations, and views or opinions.
I hope that this will help you to understand my point of view. Maybe, in addition, it will help you to change or apply some things for yourself? If, I would be glad, but if not, it is also ok. You are free to live your life the way you want. And therefore I wish you all the best and make it happen.
Thanks for reading, Loves, and talk to you soon.
