SENSITIVE CONTENT IN THIS POST BASED ON A TRUE STORY
I went through the darkest moment a person can have in his or her life. I went through darkness, and I met the devil who introduced himself as a friend. He guided me to the world of death. I decided to talk about it and maybe it will help me in a way that I can handle being still alive in a better way, to become a better person, to take off memories, and relieve some thoughts. So I will take you on a journey that left a lovely person behind and that created a person with a broken heart and almost no hope. And this is my story about my experiences before that day when I wanted to kill myself.
This is
This the second part of Chapter 9 - One Step Too Far
"But first I will have to get someone first."
And then we arrived at the train station and I saw that the train was coming and we both found our seats. My friend was still a little confused about me talking to someone else, and she could not let this topic go. She was rushing me, to be honest with her and I said that I can hear voices, dark voices, the evil kind that sometimes appears to be real and then not, and I was telling her that I am not sure if they are actually real or not. Sometimes I felt a hand on my back pushing me into a direction that I do not want to go. We were dancing in the rain the other night I said and people were looking at me like I am crazy because I was dancing with a ghost they thought. I told her that all the things that happened are real and not just a dream, for me, it felt real.
"Are you sure that you are not losing your mind?"
"I know that I am and I am not sure what will happen next. Do you know that feeling?"
"Yes. I can feel since I met you today."
"What do you mean?"
"I was just talking to you about my parents and that they had a fight but I heard someone saying I will get you first."
"You heard in your mind or as a real voice?"
"No, it sounded like a serious voice talking from my back."
"Could you feel something?"
"A cold shower."
"I see, well do not be scared I am with you ok?"
"Ok, sure."
So we arrived at the central station. The place was full of police and it was dark already. Maybe they knew that something was going on.
My best friend ask me "What are we going to do tonight?"
Just to recap in case you forgot already my constitution during this time. I was a drug addict, I was weak, and I was talking and a relationship with the devil.
And I do not know why but in this night I brought her to her first and only drag race, she kept gnawing on her fingernails, telling me that what we were doing was wrong and how some irreversible damage could occur. And I kept trying to comfort her, telling her to relax and enjoy the ride, it wouldn’t last long and when it was over I’d drive her home, and it would be as if nothing had happened. If only it were true.
So on this night, I introduced her to my racing friends. I never wanted to but I could not help myself because she told me that she has terrible thoughts about her parents.
"Are we going to do a race?" she asked me and I just said yes.
"Don't worry it will be all ok. I will just get my car, it is parking at my friend's house, so just wait here."
A few moments later.
We sat in the convertible, with excruciating anticipation in the silent, dark and empty street as the engines revved, waiting for the flag to be brought down, declaring the start of the race. At last, the moment came, the five racers “pushed the pedal to the metal” reaching 150 k/h in four seconds. The sudden acceleration came as an unpleasant jolt. My best friend was screaming her head as we raced down the street, while the wind lashed at our faces. I’d never felt so alive before in my life especially not after all what happened before.
We quickly and effortlessly overtook all but one of the other competitors. We were battling it out with the last racer for most of the race. The last kilometer of the race brought us over a bridge. As we were approaching the bridge at blinding speed, I heard the other driver scream out “it’s time to end this”, and without a second’s notice. He cut us off just as we reached the bridge, pushing us into the railing.
The first thought I had was “OH MY GOD!, there go the hundreds and thousands of dollars I spent on my car”, then that thought changed simultaneously with “oh no, this could be the end.” If I said that I wasn’t scared for my life then, I would be lying. As we went tumbling down, we seemed to freeze in mid-air. Each second seemed to last an eternity, and then
we hit the ground.
Pain, oh the pain, however unbearable it was it didn’t matter, all that mattered was my friend’s welfare. I wrestled with myself, trying to lift my head and see if she was okay. I embraced myself for the worst, holding my breath, I used the last ounce of strength left in my broken and aching body to look over the inflated air-bag to the passenger seat. There she was, barely breathing, drenched in blood. I yanked her out of the car into the chilling midnight air. She looked up at me tearfully and murmured
“I told you so”
and then she was gone. She died there and then
in my arms...
gone...
forever...
I wish I was, too...
To be continued...
